its been a while since i update mah blog but well u know i ish have mah life as a student e.e. moving on, u know when u have to face that feeling about when u feel neglected or abandoned, yeah i started to feel that way nao. long story short, mah friend and i was making a group (we've been best friend since form 1) and we invited mah old friend to our group. since he join the group, its like they replacing me for him. an audition that he can do better than me (thats wat i think :d). well its true, his better tan almost everthing i do. plus he have a good figure compare to mah who ish a thin person q.q.
what to do right, i want to say a word but who am i try to broke our relationship for about 6-7 years of friendship. so i keep it to myself and try to let it go by or so. ohh yeahhh, btw i try to get closer to them but the closer i get to them, the more gap between me to them become less and less apart. its like im not cool enough for them no more. they use to be come to me ask anything. nao they dont even bother to ask and ask the new guy. its not that i mad at him but i want to be like the old days.
well who am i supposed to say to them. in mah mind, i try to find a way to leave them like, start a fight wif one of them so can i leave the group peacefully. and they can enjoy without me. or maybe im just not fitted enough for them or just im born to be alone in this wolrd
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
hooraayyy T.T
meh dont know what to say. whether im excited or not bout something. ima let mah felling out just lil bit ftw.
is it just me, im just getting apart from closed friend . day by day im getting further apart, its like they find a newer better version of me or an upgrade version of me. i want to say anything but i dont wanna them to think that i like to control them. even so i try to fill the gap when needed even it feel awkward >.>
is it just me, im just getting apart from closed friend . day by day im getting further apart, its like they find a newer better version of me or an upgrade version of me. i want to say anything but i dont wanna them to think that i like to control them. even so i try to fill the gap when needed even it feel awkward >.>
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Multiple personality
as time goes by i keep getting badder to those near me. sometimes i dont understand myself and part of me say that i have 2 type of personality. 1 of it a nice type and the other, pretty much you can guess it. anyway, sometimes i like being both but theres a consequence that is you cant control it.
if i being a nice person, i see that im vulnerable, weak, easy to manipulate or something that involves wif it. yes being sometime help me to get closer to my family and friends yet something missing inside me. something that what makes me, ME.
though if i being a bad a** person, i fell powerful, respectful, others can take advantage to me and again something that involves wif it. i like to call myself as a control freak or so but being control to some1 makes me understand them and get closer at the same time. then again, something deep within my heart is not yet complete to fully understand what is that i want for me.
the big question is, what is that something that i want. so that i can be happy but at the same time i feel powerful??
if i being a nice person, i see that im vulnerable, weak, easy to manipulate or something that involves wif it. yes being sometime help me to get closer to my family and friends yet something missing inside me. something that what makes me, ME.
though if i being a bad a** person, i fell powerful, respectful, others can take advantage to me and again something that involves wif it. i like to call myself as a control freak or so but being control to some1 makes me understand them and get closer at the same time. then again, something deep within my heart is not yet complete to fully understand what is that i want for me.
the big question is, what is that something that i want. so that i can be happy but at the same time i feel powerful??
Monday, August 1, 2011
Ramadhan is here
atlast ramadhan is here. the month that ive been w8ting for a longggggggg time. the month where we muslim pray moa frequently and control almost earthing bout ourself or something like that.
anywhere back to meh, i want this Ramadan that i can control my anger, lose some weight xD (even though mah friend said that i skinny) seriously a skinny guy that weight over 60kg and plz dont think coz ur tall..
and also i want to be good and follow allah's rule and leave what shouldn't do. i also hope that this Ramadan that no 1 i MEAN NO ONE would ruin this month. trust me i would make his/her life miserable
anywhere back to meh, i want this Ramadan that i can control my anger, lose some weight xD (even though mah friend said that i skinny) seriously a skinny guy that weight over 60kg and plz dont think coz ur tall..
and also i want to be good and follow allah's rule and leave what shouldn't do. i also hope that this Ramadan that no 1 i MEAN NO ONE would ruin this month. trust me i would make his/her life miserable
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Starting to piss =.="
It's been a while since i update the blog (3 weeks)... been busy wif mah life as a student. plus this year its the most important part of mah life. anywho back to the topic, theres a person that i starting to piss. why is that???? that person ALWAYS think that she/he perfect whether he/she wrong at most of the time. its like i want to give mah opinion but gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
that person will find a gazillion way to reject my ideas... i know that im not that bright as that person but dude i ish have a brain too.
neither less i never show any sign off emotion to that person even he piss me off. but lately that anger become moa and moa. its like im stuck whether i should kick that person a** or just shout 'shut the dam hell up'. truthfully i dont want to show any single emotion but she/he make it harder... geez find a life laaaaaa.
i know that u smarter than me but seriously cant u find other way, i dont know be litter brighter about ur attitude.. you always do this whether to me or evry1 that closed to u. you should change before u regret for tha rest of ur f***ing dam life.
what should i do, should i tell him to back off or just stay shadup then explode when he piss me off again????
that person will find a gazillion way to reject my ideas... i know that im not that bright as that person but dude i ish have a brain too.
neither less i never show any sign off emotion to that person even he piss me off. but lately that anger become moa and moa. its like im stuck whether i should kick that person a** or just shout 'shut the dam hell up'. truthfully i dont want to show any single emotion but she/he make it harder... geez find a life laaaaaa.
i know that u smarter than me but seriously cant u find other way, i dont know be litter brighter about ur attitude.. you always do this whether to me or evry1 that closed to u. you should change before u regret for tha rest of ur f***ing dam life.
what should i do, should i tell him to back off or just stay shadup then explode when he piss me off again????
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Trust Issue
If we look carefully at the dictionary trust mean to rely on someone or depend on who u trust.
but for me i cant trust some1 even mah friend nor mah family. maybe coz ive been decep by some1 i really trust. i know we should trust some1 yet why do they keep lying under our nose. it is bcoz they have more important to do or they just see that promise a crappy word.
I started not to trust some1 when i was 14. its not that i trust some1 i can just depend on the situation or the people who i dealing with. to avoid trusting issue, i do mah own way even its hard or harder. But for them to trust me its easy. what is that they see in me that make them trust me or feel comfortable with me. thinking it making me crazy. its not that i dont appreciate, its just i dont feel comfortable. What to do its wat makes us human and its the mystery that i would like to discover 1 day
but for me i cant trust some1 even mah friend nor mah family. maybe coz ive been decep by some1 i really trust. i know we should trust some1 yet why do they keep lying under our nose. it is bcoz they have more important to do or they just see that promise a crappy word.
I started not to trust some1 when i was 14. its not that i trust some1 i can just depend on the situation or the people who i dealing with. to avoid trusting issue, i do mah own way even its hard or harder. But for them to trust me its easy. what is that they see in me that make them trust me or feel comfortable with me. thinking it making me crazy. its not that i dont appreciate, its just i dont feel comfortable. What to do its wat makes us human and its the mystery that i would like to discover 1 day
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Friend or Foe?
i have been live mah life about 17 years. From all that years ive found many friend.
Didnt know pula yang aq automatic make foe secara accident. At first i started to show mah care but time to time i started to 'wat the hell is not like they care right'. To be honest, mlas nak pekiak but its started to eat me up, bru 2 time become more mature =.=". Bah, aq pun wat something that mereka x perasan that im in conlifct (not with some1 but to myself) thats is i never show any emotion. x lah 100% nothings perfect right. Some poeple said that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and yeah its true but for me, lbh dari 2 its show vulnerability inside and outside. Pffft lantak lah. what happen in the past stay in the past.
Sometimes i love mah friend, sometimes i wanna kick thier a** but tanpa mereka what i am today its wat i become. Its not for them that i become who i am but i choose this way sbb i want to be the spotlight. For me friend is my guide to achieve something missing from my heart. They are mah life line without them who we are. Sometimes aq pikir yang mereka neglect aq bab something wrongs with me and it eats me up. People said that ni stage teenager where they think that the world against them. Didnt know that the burden quite heavy rather than sad but mehhh. Its life, every1 must endure the stage stage 2.
Song ni kot reflect some of mah life, i think
Born This Way
Didnt know pula yang aq automatic make foe secara accident. At first i started to show mah care but time to time i started to 'wat the hell is not like they care right'. To be honest, mlas nak pekiak but its started to eat me up, bru 2 time become more mature =.=". Bah, aq pun wat something that mereka x perasan that im in conlifct (not with some1 but to myself) thats is i never show any emotion. x lah 100% nothings perfect right. Some poeple said that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and yeah its true but for me, lbh dari 2 its show vulnerability inside and outside. Pffft lantak lah. what happen in the past stay in the past.
Sometimes i love mah friend, sometimes i wanna kick thier a** but tanpa mereka what i am today its wat i become. Its not for them that i become who i am but i choose this way sbb i want to be the spotlight. For me friend is my guide to achieve something missing from my heart. They are mah life line without them who we are. Sometimes aq pikir yang mereka neglect aq bab something wrongs with me and it eats me up. People said that ni stage teenager where they think that the world against them. Didnt know that the burden quite heavy rather than sad but mehhh. Its life, every1 must endure the stage stage 2.
Song ni kot reflect some of mah life, i think
Born This Way
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